Episode 7
Life, death and freedom - guest Berni Benton
Life, death and freedom - guest Berni Benton
Jenn wilson
"We’re all ordinarily extraordinary—and that’s our unique gift."— Berni B
Jenn Wilson is joined by guest Berni B
Berni Benton is a death doula, celebrant, artist, and coach whose mission is to help people embrace their truth and live—and die—authentically. She believes everyone is “ordinarily extraordinary” and works to empower individuals to find freedom in their uniqueness.
Episode Overview
In this episode of Irregular Humans, Jenn Wilson talks with Berni Benton about breaking free from societal expectations, embracing vulnerability, and finding joy in authenticity. Berni shares her journey from conformity to empowerment, her work as a death doula, and why living truthfully matters—especially at life’s end.
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Connect with Berni B
www.bernib.co.uk
Instagram - BerniB: Full Life Celebrant (@bernib_full_life)
TikTok: bernib_full_life (@bernib_full_life) | TikTok
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BernibFullLife
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/berni-benton
About Berni B:
BerniB (she/her) is a Full Life Celebrant, end-of-life doula, and author of My Life, My Death, My Wishes. She creates personalised, “no-rules” ceremonies that honour every chapter of life—messy, magical, joyful, or bittersweet. Whether celebrating love, welcoming new beginnings, or shaping a meaningful farewell, Berni gently guides people to create something that truly reflects their story and their community.
She walks alongside the dying and their families as a companion and advocate, helping them find clarity, calm, and connection. Her work is rooted in realness, storytelling, and legacy—because every moment matters, and every life deserves to be seen and remembered.
Episode Takeaway
Authenticity isn’t easy, but it’s liberating. When we step into our truth, we create deeper connections, even if it means letting go of people who can’t accept our growth.
Further Resources: links to offers from Irregular that are relevant to the episode
More about this episode:
Ordinarily Extraordinary: Why uniqueness is worth celebrating.
Breaking Free: Berni’s journey from “fitting in” to living authentically.
The Role of a Death Doula: Supporting individuals and families at end of life.
Life Lessons from Death Work: How mortality teaches us to value truth and connection.
Vulnerability as Strength: Why asking for help creates reciprocity and deeper bonds.
Navigating Pushback: Facing judgment when you set boundaries or unmask.
Ripples of Impact: How our stories and kindness extend beyond our immediate circles.
Want to hear more?
Subscribe now for After Hours Bonus Content- click here
Or join The Irregular Membership and get Jenn’s support to start your own personal rebellion.
Season 2 Episode 7
Transcript
Irregular Humans Podcast - Full Transcript (Berni)
Start Time – End Time
1
::Jenn Wilson: Hi, everyone, and welcome to today's episode of the Irregular Humans Podcast with me, Jen Wilson. My guest today is the wonderful Bernie Benton. Hi, Bernie.
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::Jenn Wilson: Bernie is, amongst many things, a death doula, which I'm sure she'll tell us about, but also has a strap line, which I love, which is finding the… that you're the extraordinary ordinary. You tell me how it goes.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah, I think, I think, I think that everyone is, ordinarily extraordinary, and that is the unique gift that we all have. You know, we're all unique. There's not two of any of us, and that is extraordinary, and that makes us all extraordinary, which I absolutely love.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah, I really love that. It very, very much connects to that idea of being irregular, and leaning into the things that make you unique as a way of celebrating how we can make change in the world.
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::Jenn Wilson: So…
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::Berni Benton: Sure, absolutely.
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::Jenn Wilson: So tell us about what that means to you, you know, that idea of being irregular, or being the change you want to see.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah.
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::Berni Benton: Well, I think that, you know, I probably, spend most of my life just thinking that you have to fit in. You're taught it, aren't you, in school? You know, you wear a uniform, so you all look the same. You're taught to think and learn in the same way. You're expected to behave
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::Berni Benton: This way, if you're this…
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::Berni Benton: gender, this way, if you're that gender, you know, consigned at birth, all of these things that you're expected to do, you don't think, you know, and if your parents are a certain status, you have a certain way that you're expected to live your life, and the,
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::Berni Benton: The things that you're offered along your journey.
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::Berni Benton: are kind of connected to that, what exams you do, what career choices you're offered, what educational things you're offered, all of those, what… what pastimes you're offered, as a child. All of those things, like, kind of inform who and develop this sense of who you're expected to be from the… from the day that you're… you're even thought of, perhaps, by your parents.
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::Berni Benton: never mind born. And we go along with it, and we struggle, and I think I realized
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::Berni Benton: when I was, like, in my 20s, that I was… I was trying to be…
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::Berni Benton: what was expected of me. So, you know, I was… I was pretty intelligent, so my parents expected me to go to uni. I didn't want to go to uni, I wasn't emotionally mature enough to go to uni, I could, you know, I'd been to an all-girls
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::Berni Benton: school and… and the idea of going to university was just absolutely, terrifying. I, you know, a thought… I just wasn't ready, I didn't want to do it, so then I… then I went through all of those years of feeling guilty that I wasn't doing what… what my parents had hoped for me, and then… then I…
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::Berni Benton: moved to Wales in my, mid-30s.
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::Berni Benton: And…
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::Berni Benton: I don't know if I'm allowed to swear on a podcast, but I just thought, fuck it. Just, I am gonna just be me, and I moved into this place which is so eccentric and unique and accepting, and I just became… it's like I blossomed into who I
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::Berni Benton: crudely was, without even thinking about it, and now I kind of… my purpose, really, is to encourage and empower people to feel safe and free with their own truths.
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::Berni Benton: And become ordinary, you know, become their ordinarily extraordinary self.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah.
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::Jenn Wilson: Absolutely, God, I mean, you know, that story absolutely echoes my own, and so many of the people that I work with and that I meet, you know, that thing of…
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::Jenn Wilson: of… Following… there's so much pressure to follow a set of expectations.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah.
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::Jenn Wilson: Whether it's from family, or culture, or whatever. And it is… and it is very often our 30s, 40s, or even 50s when people really start to step in.
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::Berni Benton: You don't even know you're doing it, do you?
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::Jenn Wilson: You don't even know you're doing.
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::Berni Benton: doing it, because you're just kind of… it's like the conveyor belt of life. It's kind of like, you know, you're going to get an office job, you're going to… you're going to go and do this, and you're going to get into, like, middle, upper management, and then you're going to get married, and you're going to have kids, and all of these things that are expected, and you just think, oh, that's… that's what we do. Yeah. And it's only when you take a moment, you find it, if you have an opportunity to breathe.
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::Berni Benton: And think, and you think, you know, it doesn't have to be that way.
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::Jenn Wilson: No, absolutely. So, I'm really interested in
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::Jenn Wilson: you're a… you're a death doula, first of all, in what exactly that entails, but also… Interesting.
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::Berni Benton: Isn't it?
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::Jenn Wilson: But also, if you're working with people, as I know you are, because I do know a little bit about what it entails, but it's for, you know, for the podcast, but…
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::Jenn Wilson: I'm wondering about what, you know, at end of life, what that journey of being extraordinary starts to mean to people, that you're working with. So, yeah, so tell us a bit about what you do first.
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::Berni Benton: It's funny, isn't it? Because here I am, like, a complete… relatively alternative, you know, pink hair, and loud and gobby, and full of joie de vivre, member of the Monster Raven Looney Party, all these kind of weird and wacky things, and then my job title, one of my job titles is Death Dueler, End of Life Dueler, which sounds quite somber and heavy.
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::Berni Benton: And I… and I don't see it like that at all. What I see it as is an opportunity to… I mean, a death doula, basically, is a companion in death. That's kind of what the word doula means, companion. And I… I… I sit alongside or walk alongside an individual and or their family as they approach
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::Berni Benton: Or live through the final chapters of their life.
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::Berni Benton: And my role within that is to remind all of those people who have jobs within that, carers and this, that, and the other, and people who are grieving and struggling, that this person
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::Berni Benton: who is dying.
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::Berni Benton: isn't.
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::Berni Benton: that stage of their life. They are their entire journey through their life. They have a history, and preferences, and likes, and dislikes, and passions, and opinions, and their past vibrancy, and loves, and conflicts, and all of those things.
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::Berni Benton: And they're not just the person who is frail, and ailing, or frightened, or whatever stage they're in now. And, so part of it is to encourage or remind people of their story.
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::Berni Benton: And celebrate that, and, and take…
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::Berni Benton: note of that. So, for example, you know, carers might come in to somebody, and it's much easier to serve them up Meals on Wheels, but they have lived a life where they have been,
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::Berni Benton: organic, and wholesome, and fresh, and they… they're vegan, or vegetarian, or whatever, or, you know, and… and you say, no, you know, I know it's convenient for you, but this person's values are… are this, and being… yeah, that's… that's a… I don't know why that example popped into my head, maybe because it's breakfast time and I'm a bit hungry while we're recording this. But, you know, it's just things like reminding people that…
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::Berni Benton: That, that they, they, they are a whole.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah.
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::Berni Benton: And, so it is,
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::Berni Benton: Expansive as a role, because you get to learn these amazingly extraordinary.
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::Berni Benton: life stories of people, and you get to witness and be part of the interactions, complexities of their… their…
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::Berni Benton: chosen family, their family, their community, and how… how that all works, and the dynamics, and… and… and it is such a privilege, and… and it's also, quite life-affirming, because, yes.
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::Berni Benton: you realize that you're not the only one with a weird family. Every family is complicated, in that every family in the world, I think, is complicated, and we only see snippets of people's life, and we have to keep remembering that, especially in today's society, where we get everyone's edited highlights, you know.
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::Berni Benton: Everybody… you know, I don't show up when I'm…
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::Berni Benton: when I can't… when I'm bereft, and when I'm… I'm… I'm exhausted, and when I'm, you know, all of those things. I show up when I've got the energy to either talk about it retrospectively, or put on a… the joie de vie. So we all have… we all have that complexity, so remembering that, and… and…
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::Berni Benton: Discovering the, kind of, the…
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::Berni Benton: humanity of community when there is a crisis or a, you know, an imminent ending, and how people survive and pull together and… and… and… and their resolve, and their, their,
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::Berni Benton: connection. It's just such a,
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::Berni Benton: a life-affirming thing. I know that's, you know, I'm talking about death, but it is life-affirming, because you're helping people
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::Berni Benton: Tell their story.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah, absolutely. I can really see and imagine, how that is as a… as a… an experience for you in that role. What a privilege to be in that role in somebody's…
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::Jenn Wilson: Life, at that very last stage of somebody's life, and to take part in all of that.
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::Jenn Wilson: And yeah, I was just wondering about that thing that we were saying before, as I said, of, like.
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::Jenn Wilson: You get to a point in midlife, hopefully midlife, if you've got a long standard sort of length of life, where you go, as you said, fuck it, and go…
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::Jenn Wilson: I'm just gonna be me now, you know. Yeah. How does that play out, do you find, with people who are at end stage? Where are people at with that?
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::Berni Benton: I think some people…
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::Berni Benton: I think some… some people really struggle, and some… well, lots of people do, because… because of, you know, because they haven't…
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::Berni Benton: Had that moment within their life where they have been
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::Berni Benton: have that ta-da and fuck it moment. So they're there with their regrets.
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::Jenn Wilson: Well, they're.
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::Berni Benton: Or their unspoken truths.
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::Berni Benton: And it is, you know, I mean, I'm talking about it like it's all joy and gorgeous, but obviously, we're dealing with end of life, and there is a lot of… a lot of sadness there, and… and,
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::Berni Benton: And I think that the thing that gets me through that always is that even if I can offer a family one moment where they can be
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::Berni Benton: their truth within that, and have that heard, and be seen for that truth, whatever that is, then… then I've done good, and that might, you know, and that might be…
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::Berni Benton: then, though it might be in my role as a funeral celebrant when I'm… I'm…
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::Berni Benton: I'm gathering their story, I'm basically a storyteller then, so I'm… I'm gathering the story, and I'm… I'm recounting it in a way that is… is, appropriate to the family and the individual that we're… we're celebrating. So I get to,
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::Berni Benton: Gift people their truth back.
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::Berni Benton: to them, and echo it, and let that ripple carry on wherever it's gonna go. I guess that's kind of my mission, really, is to try and,
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::Berni Benton: M… power.
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::Berni Benton: People, even if it's in the tiniest way, one little nugget.
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::Berni Benton: to… Accept.
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::Berni Benton: Relish their own truth.
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::Berni Benton: I think.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah.
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::Berni Benton: and,
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::Berni Benton: and have people understand it and hear it, you know, bear witness, I guess, to… to it, and go, yeah.
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::Berni Benton: You're amazing. Exactly, yeah.
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::Berni Benton: Even if it's because you've hidden that your whole life, and now you're realizing you are amazing because you've come to that point now, and…
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::Berni Benton: And it's, yeah, it's a real privilege of a job.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah, that's wonderful. And yeah, and it really… I mean, yes, regrets, I guess. I don't like the idea of regrets, all homes.
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::Berni Benton: Huh.
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::Jenn Wilson: Because you could only know what you can know when you know it, right? Yeah.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah.
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::Jenn Wilson: And, and…
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::Jenn Wilson: I mean, yeah, just that feeling that… that's… that truth, that once it comes out, that truth about yourself that is…
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::Jenn Wilson: really deep knowing and self-awareness and being able to express it is so powerful whenever it comes, isn't it?
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::Berni Benton: And it's not easy, being yourself, because you have to be prepared
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::Berni Benton: when you stand out, when you… when you say, I'm not conforming, or I'm… I'm going to…
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::Berni Benton: voice what matters to me, or be what matters to me.
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::Berni Benton: you suddenly have that Marmite moment.
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::Berni Benton: You know, and people can decide to love you or hate you, you know, rather… you know, you can spend your life sitting on the fence and being a people pleaser, or you can… can be, you can open up, and… but then you have to be prepared to lose people.
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::Jenn Wilson: Hmm.
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::Berni Benton: But were they really…
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::Berni Benton: your… you know, I hate to use the word tribe, it's become a thing, and also it's cultural misappropriation, but, you know, your group, your group, you know, your…
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::Berni Benton: like-minded, empathetic group, you're going to perhaps lose people, and that might be your birth family, it might be your chosen, probably people that you've… you've thought of as friends, but what I can assure people from experience is that you will find
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::Berni Benton: more…
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::Berni Benton: chosen family, you know, friendship, you will find more, and they will be the people that you can sit alongside, who you don't have to think through what you're going to say and what you're thinking before you say it, in case you offend somebody or say the wrong thing, because the right people in your life, you can say, anything.
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::Jenn Wilson: Hmm.
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::Berni Benton: too. I mean, I'm not saying be horribly and hurtful, but you can say things, and they will know that the intention behind it is…
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::Berni Benton: is not malice. They will know that.
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::Berni Benton: You know, so if they've taken offense, they can say, I'm sorry, I found that offensive, and you go, oh my god, I never intended that. What I was trying to do is this, and you'll be able to explain, you won't fall out and never speak again. It will be… and it is so…
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::Berni Benton: Liberating to be yourself and not be constantly having one foot in the, you know, thinking how people are going to perceive this.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah.
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::Jenn Wilson: Absolutely. I think of it in terms of… I mean, all my work is about consent, and my working definition of consent is that it's this place where
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::Jenn Wilson: or practice, or experience, when you're inside of consent, that everybody is comfortable enough and secure enough to continue together. And I guess that's, in a way, what you're describing. It's not that you can't…
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::Jenn Wilson: disagree with people, who, you know, like, but that, you know, and… but that actually the people that you want to have closest to you in your life are people who…
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::Jenn Wilson: you can disagree with successfully, actually. Yes.
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::Berni Benton: That's a really good…
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::Jenn Wilson: Without actually it being a problem, and a big deal falling out. You can disagree and respect each other and love each other in that.
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::Berni Benton: you learn as well, you learn so much by, you know… since my mid-20s, I've done a bit more, you know, I went off traveling when I was in my mid-20s, and then I… and I come… and what you find when you have lived in a… a city.
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::Berni Benton: in your life, or through your life, is that you only ever connect with people from a similar background, and a similar social status, and a similar class status, you know, all of those things. And when you go off traveling, or you live in a small rural community like I do now.
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::Berni Benton: You mix with people who, in that world, you wouldn't have ever
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::Berni Benton: perhaps given… it's terrible to say, given the time of day today, they wouldn't have been people you'd have connected with, and you realize by… by… by mixing in that diversity that we have more in common with each other than we do, not. Yeah, I know that's,
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::Berni Benton: You know, a cliche, but it's… it is true, you know?
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::Berni Benton: It doesn't matter what's… what age, what's… what stature, what… what job, what, sexual orientation, or… or… or anything. It doesn't matter… none of those things matter. What matters is what's in our hearts.
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::Jenn Wilson: Mmm.
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::Berni Benton: And what we… and if… if our intention… is…
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::Berni Benton: good. We can make mistakes and be forgiven for those mistakes, and we can say the wrong thing and be understood as not being malicious for it, because we are not out…
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::Berni Benton: 2.
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::Berni Benton: hurt people, we're out… we just want to be, and we've got our own struggles and our own…
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::Berni Benton: Things, and those days that we're not being,
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::Berni Benton: jolly and joyful and kind and out there, probably mean that we've got something going on, not because… not that we've fallen out with you, or we hate you, or… or something like that. It's just like the world is becoming overwhelmed today.
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::Jenn Wilson: I think there's a lot of that as well, isn't there? In… in the… in that fear, which is a rational fear, as you described, when you do step into your truth, or come out, or however you unmask, or however you're describing that thing.
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::Jenn Wilson: It is scary, because you do,
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::Jenn Wilson: But up against society's expectations in that moment.
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::Jenn Wilson: And you do get pushback. It's like when you… when people are setting boundaries as well, where they haven't, when people are getting over their kind of people-pleasing
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::Jenn Wilson: challenges like that, and going, actually, no, I'm gonna… I'm gonna start centering my needs and putting some boundaries in place. People don't like it, and they will… will judge you, and they will…
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::Jenn Wilson: accuse you, and try to shame you, even, sometimes, and say that you're a bad person for simply being your authentic self, actually.
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::Berni Benton: People don't like change in anybody, but they certainly don't like change in people that they've… they've created.
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::Berni Benton: their view of.
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::Jenn Wilson: You know, I have a… I have a friend who has sort of come into…
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::Berni Benton: her own recently, and is showing up more, so appearing to be more successful, appearing to be more confident, appearing to be all of these things.
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::Berni Benton: And… and lots of people have… have got angry with her, rejected her because of that, and I… and it's… some of that is jealousy, or… or… or… or sadness that they're not in, you know… yeah, jealousies, mostly, they're, you know, because… because she is doing…
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::Berni Benton: what… what she wants to do. Well, she's getting everything. She's still got all her,
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::Berni Benton: you know, the bits she doesn't show you, the fears, and the worries, and the failures, and the… and all of those things, but she's showing up, and I had a conversation with her the other day, and I said, it's… it's because you're showing up, and what people are seeing is not the you. They're used to you being, you know, being their people pleaser, being,
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::Berni Benton: The person that they can
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::Berni Benton: trample on, who will always, you know, come to their rescue, and now you're saying, no, this is me, I am going to be this. This is who I am, this is who I want to be, this is what I'm… where I'm aiming, and they don't know how to handle this.
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::Berni Benton: Knew you, and you are making them question
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::Berni Benton: themselves, and what, you know, and that doesn't make you the bad person, that they've got to make the adjustment, and some of them will, and some of them may fall by the wayside, and that's okay.
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::Jenn Wilson: It's not easy when that happens, but it is okay, you know?
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::Berni Benton: It's really okay. I mean, you talked earlier about,
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::Berni Benton: you know, yeah, we learn, don't we? And we move, you know, and it always reminds me of, Mayor Angelina, who says, you know, you know, do the best you can, and when you know better, do better.
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::Jenn Wilson: Cheer.
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::Jenn Wilson: Absolutely, yeah, because we're… none of us are perfect. We will make mistakes, we will hurt.
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::Berni Benton: And you're pretty much there, Jen. Oh, bless you. Like me.
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::Jenn Wilson: Believe me, I'm not.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah, I'm a big old mess, you know, absolute mess most of the time, but, you know, but I do try and talk about it. I mean, everything I write, when I write my blogs, when I write, when I show up and do lives, I never… I don't,
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::Berni Benton: massage them, they're messy, you know, I don't usually look back at them. If I go live, I don't look back at it, I let it… because I would be too embarrassed about how wonky my teeth are, or how many chins I've got today, or that my hair's, you know, grey, or whatever it is, you know, from the… yeah, whatever, I would be too… so I just put it out there, and if I write, I write about the warts and all version of me, because I…
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::Berni Benton: I think… I think that there is a power in reminding people that you're not this…
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::Berni Benton: you're not amazing, you know, I mean, you know, I think I had a lot of years. I had a… I had a breakdown.
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::Berni Benton: you know, quite a while ago. But I… I think because I'd…
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::Berni Benton: I thought people perceived me, I… well, I… that… so, what's Wonder Woman? You're… you're… you're like Wonder Woman. How do you do all these things? How do you do all these things? And I wanted to live up to that. I didn't want to let anyone down on that. I knew I wasn't that Wonder Woman. I was the flaky mess in behind the doors, but I…
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::Berni Benton: you know, and then I felt guilty that I was deceiving people, and… and that I wasn't really this woman, Wonder Woman, and when… if they found out that I wasn't this superhuman, amazing person.
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::Berni Benton: who could do anything and say yes to everyone and solve everyone's problem, then I would be
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::Berni Benton: I would let them down, I would let myself down, it would be embarrassing, and then I… and then I… and then I had a breakdown, because I was trying to do everything for everybody. Yeah.
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::Berni Benton: And… and I realized that the people that… that mattered.
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::Berni Benton: the people who had been quietly in the background, some of the people who thought I was amazing, they were still very much there, and they were still very supportive of me. And the one big lesson I learned is that if you're the person who is always solving the problem.
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::Berni Benton: and always got the solution, and you're never needing help. You're not…
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::Berni Benton: what you're saying is I'm better than you. I'm better than you. I can solve your problems. I don't need anyone to help me with mine. I'm… I'm better.
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::Berni Benton: And that's not a good place to be in, you know? We have… we all need each other, and by showing you up with your vulnerabilities.
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::Berni Benton: There is a reciprocity within your life, and there is a more genuine connection when you do that.
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::Jenn Wilson: And I think.
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::Berni Benton: not that I… not that I'm glad that I had that breakdown. I'm glad I survived that breakdown, because it made me realize that being vulnerable and needing help, and asking for help.
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::Berni Benton: is, is, is, is not shameful. Not only is it not shameful, it's also a gift of connectivity for other people.
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::Berni Benton: You all have, you know…
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::Berni Benton: If you're always asking, and you're never able to give back, then you don't get that, that, you know, you're just saying, you're weak and I'm strong.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah, and you…
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::Berni Benton: even knowing it.
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::Jenn Wilson: And you're denying anyone else the joy of helping?
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::Berni Benton: Absolutely, absolutely. It's the same when people… oh, look!
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::Jenn Wilson: been brought a cup of tea. I might love one.
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::Berni Benton: Tea Monitor, the tea monitor thing, thank you.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah, no, that, that, wonderful,
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::Jenn Wilson: the gift of being able to help someone else. Like, you were describing your…
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::Jenn Wilson: work at your death doula work, you know, that being able to help people is such a gift, isn't it? And denying everybody else the opportunity to experience that, and also kind of, like, moving through the world as if you've got the one true way answer, perfect way of doing it.
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::Berni Benton: Oh, my Jesus sauce.
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::Jenn Wilson: I never trust anyone who's like, this is the way, this is the way. I just… I think that's… that's sort of, like, fundamentally a bit…
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::Berni Benton: I always talk about, just going back to that, with regard to being a death dealer, sometimes it's called a soul midwife, I love that term, actually.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah, because you have birth dealers.
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::Berni Benton: As well, but it's, you know, as a death dealer, it's quite a harsh title, but, like, Soul Midwife is kind of quite a gentler way of… of doing it. But what I find with
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::Berni Benton: any client that I've had, is there is… I've used this word already, because I just find… it's one of my favourite words, this reciprocity.
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::Berni Benton: I… one of my… particularly one of my clients, I always say to her daughter, your mother is, like, soul food to me.
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::Berni Benton: She feeds my… my soul, and I get as much, if not more, Sometimes, from our sessions together.
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::Berni Benton: than… than… than she might get from it. So there is a… there is a give and take, even though she's non-verbal, she's, you know, just… just, you know.
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::Berni Benton: That… that sitting alongside, that seeing how content she is, that… that making her… being able to make her smile, or…
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::Berni Benton: or have a little laugh, or say an odd word. You know, it's just… I… I calm down, I'm there, I'm present, I'm, I'm,
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::Berni Benton: You know, and… and I get…
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::Berni Benton: sounds very selfish. I get from our connection back.
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::Jenn Wilson: And I think that is true. I mean, every family I help as a… as a…
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::Berni Benton: funeral celebrant, I always say, I always say, and it is true, is that I take a little bit of that family story with me. My life is irrevocably changed from that connection, no matter how short. There will be a nugget of something
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::Berni Benton: That lodges in my… my heart or my… and my mind, that I will carry into my life. I didn't have before, so they have rippled. Their story has gone beyond their family and rippled into my life, and that is a… it's a lovely thought, I think, that we are beyond our…
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::Berni Benton: Our little, you know, community.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah, that's beautiful, and I guess that, you know, when… whether people have a religion or not, whether people, you know, believe in afterlives or not, you know, wherever people are at with any of that, respectively, whatever people feel and believe is right for them, there's that thing, really, I guess, of love.
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::Jenn Wilson: which grief is a manifestation of love, of it… that… that's, like, a thing that survives beyond anybody's physical lifetime. It's that…
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::Berni Benton: Yeah.
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::Jenn Wilson: Beautiful resonance of connection and love that's so powerful.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah, I mean, we have, you know, we are… we are a culmination of the lessons that we have
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::Berni Benton: of, you know, and the interactions that we've, we've lived through. So, we might have inherited traits, we might have just spent time with our friends and picked up habits because of them, and we are a culmination of all of those things that have passed us in our life and, you know, and,
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::Berni Benton: and dropped in thoughts, ideas, you know, we're not… we're not designed to be isolationist and… and… and… and live alone. We… we become…
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::Berni Benton: We absorb what we are… we bear witness to, and we can choose What we take from that.
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::Berni Benton: From… from all of those interactions, and we can… we become more complex, but more…
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::Berni Benton: rounded and full because of the interactions we have. Whether we have a quiet, demure life, and we… you know, in a small way, our impact is still valid, you know?
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::Jenn Wilson: Did we don'.
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::Berni Benton: all have to be big characters who do lots of things. You know, we can be…
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::Berni Benton: calm, and quiet, and stable, and solid, and still have an impact on people that will go beyond the people we have had direct contact with, because
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::Berni Benton: that it… it ripples on, and it's a lovely thought, that, and I think that… I mean, I'm not, personally, I'm not religious.
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::Berni Benton: I don't quite know what my spirituality is, but I know that there is more than… than… than what we see, because we feel it, and our, you know, we, you know, we can't see our feelings, and they exist.
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::Jenn Wilson: Mmm.
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::Berni Benton: You know, energy exists, emotion exists, and it… and so it… and it travels somehow out there, and it's just,
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::Berni Benton: Yeah, we, we, we, we deserve to, to share it.
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::Berni Benton: And… And…
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::Berni Benton: and live it, you know, and try and… I… I always said to my son, my youngest son,
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::Berni Benton: you know, you know, when he talked about what he wanted to be, because at one point he wanted to, he loved the Ronald McDonald and the litter pickers.
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::Jenn Wilson: Oh, yeah.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah, I went through that.
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::Jenn Wilson: My son went through a dust van phase because he just.
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::Berni Benton: I love that.
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::Berni Benton: And I said, you know, I… I always view…
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::Berni Benton: Striving for success in life is… is finding your happiness.
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah.
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::Berni Benton: And your contentment.
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::Jenn Wilson: Oh, man.
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::Berni Benton: not the job title you have, not the salary you have, not the number of important people you know, not the… you know, none of those things. If you feel
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::Berni Benton: Content within… and within your own self, and you feel… happy, then you have…
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::Berni Benton: You know, on the whole, you're not going to be happy every minute of every day.
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::Jenn Wilson: Like you said.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah, contentment. If you, you know, and if you have been kind and good, you know, I mean, your contentment has to come without, you know, hurting other people. Yeah.
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::Jenn Wilson: Not contentment at other people's expense, but content.
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::Berni Benton: Yeah, yeah.
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::Jenn Wilson: Without homes.
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::Berni Benton: And you've succeeded in life, you know?
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::Jenn Wilson: Yeah. Oh…
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::Jenn Wilson: Bernie, it's an absolute joy to listen to you speaking about your work and your life and these experiences, and the wisdom that you've picked up along the way. Thank you so much for being my guest today.
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::Jenn Wilson: If, people want to reach out to you and find out more about your work, whether it's as a death jeweler, or as an artist, or as a celebrant, or as a coach.
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::Jenn Wilson: Where's the best place for people to find you on the internet?
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::Berni Benton: Jen, thank you so honestly, it's been a privilege to… well, so lucky to have connected with you and find myself here. The easiest way for anyone to find me is look up B-E-R-N-I-B, Bernie B,
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::Berni Benton: and on any platform, and it will probably say Burnaby Bee Full Life, and that'll be me, and that will link to everything, so…
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::Jenn Wilson: Great, thanks. Bernie B, that's the place to go, everyone. Thank you, Bernie, and
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::Jenn Wilson: Thanks for being an irregular human.
